How to do… something
When your mental health sucks, it’s harder to do things. That’s an incredibly obvious statement, but it bears repeating because I see SO MUCH shame attached to this particular manifestation of suffering. Tons of people grew up with the moralistic view that productivity is next to godliness, and so-called laziness is down there somewhere in the 9 circles of hell.
I don’t see a lot of actual laziness in my practice. But if you’re in a depressive slump, even eating and showering will feel like summiting a mountain. If your anxiety spikes at the very thought of doing work or school assignments, you’re going to avoid them indefinitely. If you’re dealing with trauma, it can make everything else in life feel pointless.
For me, executive function/time management is absolutely the first thing to take a hit if I’m struggling emotionally, and I’m not exactly a natural at the best of times. So I have personal as well as professional reasons to develop some workarounds to deal with those times when things are just… not… happening.
I hereby present my DIY procrastination procedure.
1. Grieve the loss of your “shoulds”
In order to do anything in a depressed/anxious/whatever sub-optimal state, you have to completely and utterly let go of the idea of how you “should” be doing it. Maybe you “should” be able to call your healthcare rep without having a panic attack, or work diligently for 8 hours in a row (a classic corporate “should”), or whatever. But currently, you’re not. IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU SHOULD. You’re not. Grieve that possibility like it died. Grieve it as many times as you still believe it.
When I’m being crushed by this feeling, I try to make myself do a 5 minute meditation or write down alllllll my “should” thoughts stream-of-consciousness style. However you approach this step, try to accept your current limitations without judgment or blame.
2. Downsize your objective
One of my personal white whales is paperwork. Writing treatment plans and documenting all my sessions is absolute torture to me. It’s tedious, it’s mandatory, and I’m uncomfortably aware that basically the only time it would ever be reviewed by someone else is IN COURT. Thus, it’s simultaneously super boring and associated with my fear of being angrily cross examined for sucking at therapy. Primo avoidance territory to say the least.
It “shouldn’t” take me long to do, but it does. I “should” be able to keep up with my notes in the time between each session, but I don’t. I tend to let it accumulate by the end of a day or a week and then need to catch up.
You know what I can do? 25 minutes at a time. That is it. That is my max unit of working on paperwork. By the end of that 25 minutes I feel like I’ve run a marathon. Is that embarrassing for me? Yes. Is it better than 0 minutes of paperwork? ALSO YES.
If you’re failing at working out for an hour, maybe it’s time to succeed at just sitting on your stupid mat for 5 minutes. If you’re spending forever waiting for the perfect time to deep clean the kitchen, maybe now is a good enough time to put 3 things away and call it.
If it’s hard for you, then it’s hard. Make your objectives TINY. Take steps so small that you’d rather die than tell someone else what they were. If they’re really too easy, then you’ll crush them and move on to the next goal with no problems.
3. Reward your efforts
If you do something you made it a goal to do– let’s say 5 minutes of mat sitting, to use the example above– STOP AND GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT.
A lot of my clients have trouble with this concept. They get as far as setting a small objective, they actually manage to do it… then promptly beat themselves up mercilessly for not doing more.
Example based on actual things I’ve heard in sessions:
“So I sat on a mat for 5 f***ing minutes, who cares? I’m never going to get fit by doing NOTHING and also, here are 15,000 other things I should be doing right now and and and”
This is basically the most unmotivating, paralyzing reaction you can possibly have. Imagine telling that to a kid taking their first steps. Imagine working for a boss who had this attitude. Not at all coincidentally, a ton of people who struggle to get things done have indeed experienced harsh, belittling, or violent responses to their failures or their feelings. Don’t be that terrifying parent or that asshole boss or that abusive ex to yourself.
You have to do the opposite. You have to accept that your best efforts are not going to look like much from the outside right now. You have to suspend your disbelief and genuinely get psyched about that 5 minutes of “nothing.” It’s not nothing– it’s slightly better than nothing. You did something.
You can try giving yourself tangible rewards* like a symbolic sticker on a page, texting a loved one for affirmation, or planning an enjoyable activity for later. Even if it’s just a simple internal acknowledgement that you did it, it’s imperative to notice and reward your efforts when you’re struggling to stay afloat. Treating yourself with contempt for doing an imperfect job is going to lead straight back to avoidance.
*Rewards should NOT be meals or sleeping! Don’t make yourself earn the basic requirements of being alive! Extremely counter-productive!
4. Break
Perfectionists absolutely hate this step too. I had a client who was avoiding major work tasks for a while. Finally, they made a small goal, met it, and then proceeded to continue working for hours on end without stopping to eat or hydrate once they got started.
On some level, this can feel like progress, and when you’ve been avoiding stuff, it feels urgent and necessary to keep the momentum going for as long as you have it. Except, when you marathon stuff to the point of exhaustion, you also murder your desire to ever repeat that experience. You start to associate accomplishing anything with infinite labor. It reinforces black and white beliefs that you can either be totally useless and “lazy” or WORK WORK WORK your whole ass off.
The purpose of this procedure is to develop your motivation as a renewable resource. I have to trust that I’ll really let myself stop working on my damn paperwork after 25 minutes, or else I’d never start. I have to trust that I’ll be able to try again eventually, or else I’d never let myself stop. Breaks can be brief, but do not skip them!
5. Repeat
Now see if you can do it again, or make a goal to do the thing for slightly longer, or choose another task to tackle. If I’m overwhelmed by several pressing goals, I like to alternate small time blocks of undesirable tasks with different themes, like 1 unit of focused work followed by 1 unit of cleaning. Do not get grandiose or punitive. Start this process over from the beginning, including venting your spleen in a journal or resting or whatever else is needed. If you ground your expectations in reality (actual reality, not “I should” reality) and treat your efforts with respect, you will probably get farther than you think. At a minimum, you will probably do more than nothing.
